Worshipping the Golden Calf

The grass is always greener on the other side. As far as academic education was concerned, I was on the outside looking in. I have an experience of God, but I felt that I was missing something vital by lack of knowledge. I thought by participating in Bible School with bona fide Bible Instructors, I would experience an elation that [I thought] so far has eluded me. I learned differently. My short sprint along the sidelines of higher education has caused me to retreat back into the all-knowing arms of God. What I observed in the lives of some of the student body and in the required written works was knowledge without experience. They had the answers but lacked passion and zeal. I am reminded of the story of Mary, Martha and Jesus. “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.” To put it in other words, “Scholar, Scholar, you are consumed with the pursuit of knowledge, but only one thing is needed [to sit at the feet of Jesus and experience him.]” I am also reminded by the Paul’s writing, “If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”

This week, dated February 7, 2010, one of the posted secrets found on the Post Secret blog was from a fellow that said, “the real reason I backed out of seminary is that I knew it would destroy my belief in God.” I wondered how a married gay man, in a homosexual relationship for more than 20 years could graduate with a Masters of Divinity from Harvard University, know so much about the Old Testament but not know God personally. How could noted theologians with written volumes penned by them, know so much but lack expressive awe at the wonder of God’s design? Why are written works dry and stale? Yes, the books and written works educate people but they do little else to inflame a passion for the subject of their writing. I had a fantasy to enter the holy land of academia and be filled with the spirit by being in the epicentre of Bible understanding but what I found was the disillusion that knowledge breeds cynicism and apathy and speaking for the sake of speaking but not really experiencing God in a meaningful way. I am concerned for my son that some of these students will one day be his Pastor.

Let me clarify and state clearly that Bible knowledge and education is not negative in every way. Wiser men and women have gone before me and helped shape my experience of God. I appreciate Jerry Pauls and Johnny Cisneros because their passion, enthusiasm, and experience of Jesus act as bookends for their considerable knowledge and education. Others, whom I do not have personal interaction, also display an appropriate outward expression towards the subject of their academic pursuit but I argue that academic rhetoric does not encourage a personal experience of God.

Academic rhetoric reduces God as someone omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent, in other words, someone that is clearly removed and far above humans. However, in class Jerry offered a different aspect of God, and that as defined by relationship with his creation, namely human beings. Revolutionary? Perhaps to some, but not to those who have experienced God in a relationship. Last week, I was having the very same theological conversation with my son - he’s 8. I impressed on him that although God is all of those things - omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent he is first about relationship with us. That kind of knowledge is transformational and experiential. It doesn’t allow the person who grips this truth to remain as they were before.

Even as I write, I wonder to myself, “What’s my beef?” I think it in part has to do with the academic culture itself. Each generation is changing, but the institution of education hasn’t done much changing since inception. Students learn how to write a paper (double-spaced, 12-point font, avoid personal pronouns). Students learn how to read their instructor better than they learn to read Bible and discern truth. Students learn how to cite references and only use credible and proven references but where are original thought and personal revelation and experience? John wrote, “Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded…,” why does the academic community believe that Jesus has stopped displaying miracles to modern-day disciples?

The truth is, I feel foolish for aspiring to be something I’m not called to be. I am not a scholar and clearly the arena where I will serve in ministry will not be in academia. I feel as if I’ve been rebuked by the LORD himself for not believing him when he says to me, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great, unsearchable things you do not know.” Much of what I’ve heard in academic teaching has only been affirming what the Lord has personally already told me. Why do I mistrust what the Lord says to me? Why do I need validation from an academic body? Why, why, why, why, why? I am rebuked and ashamed and I must confess the misuse of the spiritual gifts the Lord is developing in me, and that the gift of revelation. I am thankful for affirmation and consensus from Godly (and knowledgeable) men & women, just so I know that I’m on the right track but I’ve been worshipping academia as if it was the golden calf.

Oh, I have loved/am continuing to love dipping my toes into the world of academic knowledge. I feel privileged for the opportunity. It has been a worthwhile experience and I will take away much. I have undoubtedly increased knowledge so that my experience with and of the Lord will be greater and more enriched. I have also seen the faces of the church that will stand in the generations to come. I can pray for them by name, asking God to increase not only their knowledge but more importantly their experience of him. I am thankful to God for letting me experience the joy of going to school and the frustration in learning that it wasn’t all that I fantasized. He is always so patient with me, allowing me to test every boundary, so that I’m certain once again all I need is him.